Not Exactly Royalty
by They Aim To Misbehave
Summary: A modern take on the Mushroom Kingdom. Luigi's adventure. Rated T for language, and some mild suggestive themes.
1. Chapter 1: The Adventure Begins

**Author's Note:** So this is rather disappointing to me, but Read and Review if you want. God knows I need the help e.e

**Chapter One: An Adventure Begins **

"Well, I guess I should start from the very basics. My name is Luigi. Kinda famous around these parts of the Mushroom Kingdom. Thing is, I don't really know why. My brother, Mario, does all the work: saving princesses, fighting turtles, and riding dinosaurs all over town. You wouldn't believe the shit he's been through...but this isn't his story. Not this time. I'm done living in his shadow. I mean, I don't even get credit for rescuing him from a bunch of creepy-ass ghosts...long story..." Luigi chuckled to himself as he twisted his moustache triumphantly.

Just then, a young Toad raised his hand, "Luigi, is this going to be _boring_?"

All the Toads around him suddenly piped up.

"Yeah, Luigi, this isn't a bedtime story, get on with it!"

"We already heard the story of your stupid mansion!"

Luigi sighed and got off the stage. He sulked away as Mario took his place behind the podium.

The Toads all cheered as he started telling a story of his most recent escapade.

Luigi stormed out of the building, throwing open the doors and going out into the night.

_Dammit, Mario. Why do you always have to steal my thunder?_

And as if on cue, it thundered and started to rain. Hard.

_Crap._

Luigi turned his green hat over his face and headed home.

* * *

Luigi unlocked his front door, wiped his shoes on the welcome mat before he came inside, and turned on the light. He wrung out his hat and hung it up on the rack by the door. Running his hands through damp, dark brown hair, he turned around only to find...

"Daisy?!"

He slipped in a puddle he made with his shoes and landed right on his ass. He scrambled up nervously.

"I thought we...um...we broke up." he said quietly, as if saying it at a low volume would make them hurt less.

"No, _you_ broke up with _me._" she was sitting in his recliner in the living room.

_That's because you're freaking insane_, he thought.

He only sighed and relaxed his shoulders a bit, "Semantics. What are you doing here?"

"Do I _need _a reason?"

Luigi rolled his eyes, "Well, you sort of turned up uninvited, so...yeah."

"Hmph," she snorted, crossing her arms and slouching down in Luigi's recliner like a small child, "Well, I was going to send you on an adventure of sorts, but if you're going to be rude, maybe I'll just ask Mario."

"Pffft. You're asking _me_ to go on an adventure?"

Daisy shrugged, "Why not?"

"Well, I mean-don't you think you've got the wrong guy?" he couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Whatever. Are you in or not?"

The princess smoothed her yellow dress, waiting for an answer.

Luigi cleared his throat, "Yeah," he said with a little uncertainty. He didn't like where this was going, his ex-girlfriend asking him for help. But he was, in fact, tired of living in the shadow of his little brother.


	2. Chapter 2: A Bitter Rivalry

**Chapter Two: A Bitter Rivalry**

After his encounter with Daisy (and after she had finally left), Luigi headed upstairs to bed, changed into his favorite pair of boxers and undershirt, and attempted to get some sleep. Only, he couldn't. He kept pondering what Daisy meant by "adventure". She hadn't exactly told him what he was doing, and surely it wasn't anything Mario couldn't have done. After all, he was the hero. Luigi was just his sidekick; normally, he wouldn't mind it as much, but something had changed within him. He wanted more out of his life. More than just supplying comic relief during the darkest moments of Mario's challenges. He had the potential to be just as good, if not better, than his brother, and he knew it.

Luigi turned onto his side, to the best of his ability. His tiny bunk bed that he shared with Mario wasn't the best place to sleep, especially when you're the bottom bunk. Also the sheets smelled like Mario and mothballs. Sighing, Luigi closed his eyes and just when he was about to drift off, the doorbell rang.

_Ugh. He's got to stop doing this._

"Yoshi, can you get that?" he asked to the overgrown green dinosaur curled up on the rug, sound asleep.

Luigi was too groggy to realize that his pet was supposed to be outside, but nonetheless, he scrambled out of bed and stumbled down the stairs.

He tripped on the second to last step and face planted into the hardwood floor, just as he heard laughing from the other side of the door.

"God dammit, Mario!" Luigi said, pulling himself to his feet and whipping the front door open.

He was about to close it again in disgust when he saw Mario and his girlfriend, Princess Peach, making out on the other side.

"What the-? Mario!"

Mario broke off the kiss, "Fine, fine...I'm coming."

Luigi scowled as he heard him say under his breath, "Killjoy..."

"Just get in the house!"

Mario gave Peach another kiss on one of her gloved hands.

"Oh, very gentlemanly," Luigi observed sarcastically.

His brother rolled his eyes and pushed past him, "You're just jealous!" he yelled from inside.

Meanwhile, Luigi and Peach stared at each other awkwardly.

"Peach."

"Luigi."

"How much alcohol did you give him before he decided it was a good idea to kiss you?"

"Ha, very funny."

"I thought it was."

A pause.

"Don't you have something to do?" Peach asked impatiently.

"Yeah, I was planning on sleeping. Don't you have another dick to ride?"

"What?! No!"

"Yeah, sure. Slut."

Peach started to walk away, "At least I can keep a relationship. All of yours are crumbling before your eyes and you do nothing about it."

"Get off my porch!" Luigi yelled.

"Pleasure, douchebag!"

Luigi made a gesture to her behind her back as she drove away in her limo. He slammed the door behind him, biting his bottom lip and gazing down at the ground.

He knew Mario saw the whole thing, but stopped him from saying anything, "I've had more than my fair share of princesses tonight." Luigi muttered, exasperated.

Mario gave his brother a death glare as he headed upstairs to get some rest again.


	3. Chapter 3: The Return of a Villain

**Chapter Three: The Return of a Villain**

It started when Mario sat down to eat his cereal. That's all he wanted. He wanted his morning coffee, a 1-Up mushroom, and his good ol' Mari-O's.

But then there was a knock on the door.

"God, we're getting more company than usual..." Mario groaned, taking a bite of his mushroom while reading the headline on The Delfino Daily, "Huh...Koopa gets in kart crash...slow news day. LUIGI, GET THE DOOR!"

Luigi hopped down the stairs, two at a time while pulling up his overalls and putting on his shoes.

"Little help would be nice," Luigi growled.

"Yeah, well, not after what you said to my girlfriend."

Luigi had his hand on the doorknob as he made one more remark before opening it, "What I said to her? Ha! That's funny."

He opened the door and immediately got pulled outside by his moustache, the door slamming behind him.

"God damn, go easy on the 'stache! It's not a handlebar, y'know..."

"Did you tell your brother anything?" Daisy hissed.

"Uhm...no, not about...why?"

"Because this is a top secret mission, duh."

"Of course."

"You don't believe me."

"I know nothing about it! You could have me baking a cake for all I know and still call it top secret."

"Please, we all know Peach is the one that bakes cakes around here...anyway. That's not the mission."

"Then what _is_?"

"Bowser's back."

"Bowser. Really. What a surprise."

"This is no laughing matter, Luigi! Look. He's working on an experiment. He snuck into Toadworth's library and stole a lot of books on Yoshi's, Bob-ombs...he's even practicing in magic!"

"What does this have to do with anything? How do you know it was Bowser?"

"We...don't."

"But he's the first one you blame."

"Of course, wouldn't you?!"

Just then Mario popped his head out the window, a sly smirk on his face, "Luigi and Daisy, sittin' in a tree..."

"Shut up!" Luigi slammed the window shut on his brother's fingers, and he could hear a muffled string of curses from inside.

Luigi sighed, "So what's with all the stolen books?"

"I don't know, but I don't like it."

"Right...explosive, magic Yoshi's don't sound good."

"Anyway, the Royal Council has appointed you to go to Bowser's Castle and see what's up."

"All right...when?"

"As soon as possible. We don't want anything to happen to the kingdom...and remember, it's top secret."

"Okay, so what about him?" Luigi pointed towards a Mario, who had found his way back to eating his cereal.

Daisy pulled out a blue mushroom from her messenger bag she had brought along.

"What's that?"

"He has to eat it."

"Will he die?"

"No, you idiot! He'll just fall asleep for a few days."

"Days?! Holy crap, what's in that thing?"

"Does it really matter?" she handed it to Luigi, rolling her eyes, "I got to go."

"What? But how do you expect me to give it to him? I can't just walk up to him and give him a comatose mushroom!"

"Think of something."

"Right..."

When Daisy left, Luigi went back inside and Mario was still eating cereal.

Luigi looked confused, "Is that your second bowl?"

"Third," Mario said with a full mouth.

"My God, you're fat..."

Mario ignored that comment, "What did Daisy want?"

"Uhm...nothing."

"What's that mushroom?"

"Uhm...it's my...snack."

"Eat it, then."

"No, I..."

Mario gave him a face, "Just eat it!"

Luigi looked down at the blue mushroom nervously, and looked back at Mario. He took a bite.

"Mmm...I'll save the rest for later," Luigi said between chews. It tasted nasty.

But then he realized as he slowly started to fall asleep, he had made a big mistake.


	4. Chapter 4: Reunited

**Chapter Four: Reunited**

Luigi awoke on the kitchen floor with a throbbing headache and in a daze.

_What happened...?_

He spotted the mushroom just out of reach.

_Shit. Did I eat that?_

"Hey, bro."

Luigi looked up at Mario hovering over him, cereal bowl in hand, "You okay?"

"You and your goddamn cereal," muttered Luigi, "What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

Mario outstretched a hand and helped Luigi up.

"Shit." Luigi laughed and picked up his hat off the floor and fit it on his head, "No, really. What day is it?"

"Tuesday...you sure you're okay?"

Luigi's eyes widened. The last day he remembered was Friday, "I gotta be somewhere," he realized.

"Yeah? You have a hot date with Daisy?" Mario teased.

_Daisy._

It all started coming back to him. The whole top secret mission appointed to him by Peach's Royal Council. The comatose mushroom. Bowser's Castle. Explosive Yoshi experiment.

"Uh...no. But I really have to go."

Mario waved his cereal spoon around, "W-w-wait. Where are you going, exactly?"

"God, Mario. Is this 20 questions or something? First you make me eat the mushroom and then..."

Luigi looked down at the blue mushroom Daisy had given him, and then narrowed his eyes as he gazed up at Mario.

"_You_."

He lunged at Mario, who dropped his cereal to defend himself as Luigi put his hands around his neck and pinned him to the kitchen table.

"You made me eat the mushroom, you asshole!"

"What?" Mario choked out.

"Dammit, Mario! You. Made. Me. Eat. The. Mushroom!" he banged Mario's head against the table with every syllable, "And _you _wanted to steal my glory, be all high and mighty and save the day like you always do! Then come back and tell your sidekick all about it!"

Mario kneed him in between the legs so Luigi let go of his neck and fell to the ground in pain.

"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!" Mario breathed, catching his breath.

There was a pause while Luigi recovered from the kick.

Mario sighed and helped Luigi off the floor again while he explained the whole situation. How he was supposed to start a mission four days ago, that someone was experimenting with dangerous supplies, and the fact that Bowser was their only suspect at the moment.

"Bowser?! That dickwad?"

"Yes," Luigi sighed, "and I...er, I guess we, have to go to his castle to interrogate."

"Well, let's go," Mario swiped his hat off the rack by the door and fit it on his head, "We're already behind four days, and whoever is behind this, Bowser or not, has to be stopped."

"Right."

"Lead the way. You owe me a bowl of cereal, by the way."

And they headed out for an adventure.

* * *

The two headed out into the sunlight. Mario put his hands on his hips and looked up at the sky, "Ah, what a perfect day to go to such a gloomy place," he said sarcastically.

"Stop being an idiot for five seconds and let's get moving. Four days behind, remember?"

"Cool your jets...you're the one that ate that weird-ass mushroom."

"Hey, you're the one that made me! That was a douchebag move, my friend."

Mario let out a chuckle as he walked alongside Luigi.

"So."

"So?"

"We turn up at Bowser's Castle, and he's just supposed to welcome us with open arms?" asked Mario.

"What, were you expecting an invitation?" laughed Luigi.

"You know what I mean," Mario took off his brother's hat and threw it across the path like a Frisbee.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"For being a smartass!" he called after Luigi, who was already jogging up the pathway to his hat.

Concentrated on the ground, Luigi reached for his cheap, green hat on a stretch of yellow pathway, when suddenly a gloved hand picks it up before he gets a chance.

"How lovely of you to grace us with your presence," Luigi looked up at the princess with a scowl.

"I really resent that, you know, and that's no way to treat a lady." said Peach.

"Why are you even here?"

"You two didn't think you were going alone, did you?"

"How did you know?!"

"I'm a princess, duh. I know everything."

Luigi snorted, "Of course."

Peach sighed as they walked back down the pathway, "You're acting really childish, you know that? I also want to apologize for the other night!"

"Ah, yes. Thank you for the sincerity...give me that!" he snatched back his hat and put it back on his head sloppily.

She stopped in her tracks, "I'm serious, Luigi! I just want to be friends!"

He threw up his hands, "Why go through the trouble, I apparently ruin every relationship I have anyway, isn't that right?"

Peach groaned in annoyance, "I didn't mean-"

Just then Mario ran up to them, "Peachy-poo!" he cried, "What are you doing here?!" he swept her off her feet, kissing her.

"Good timing, maybe that will shut her up," Luigi muttered angrily, and continued on ahead of them.

Mario opened his blue eyes and broke off the kiss, "What's his problem?"


End file.
